Posts Tagged ‘bitchplease’

No hippy chick.

April 27, 2010 Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve been on a hateration hiatus.  It’s so exhausting passing judgement and sweating over other people’s mistakes and poor wardrobe choices.

Every now and then, I read something that does make me give my head a shake.  Hello, Kristin Davis.  Yes you, Charlotte.  Please stop talking about your “hips”.

“I have hips!” the actress, 45, andFitness bikini cover girl says in the magazine’s May issue. “I’m never going to be the thinnest actress, and I don’t want to be.”

Technically, she’s right.  I mean there is a body part between her toned stomach and her cellulite-free thighs, so I guess you could say she has “hips”.   But those aren’t hips they write songs about, girl.  When I was reminded that Charlotte — er, Kristin is 45 years old, I have to admit, some hateration bubbled up in my throat.  That’s not normal!!

Then I realized, wow, she must work extremely hard.  She has ABS and she’s 45.  I decided to celebrate her hard work and squash the meow-meow and just simply admire her obvious discipline.  BUT WAIT.

“If all I ate were salads ever day, I’d shoot myself,” she says. “Who cares if you can fit in your skinny jeans if you can’t enjoy life and have something good to eat?”

For Davis, that includes chocolate – “I especially love M&M’s,” she says – and ice cream.

I’d love to let that one slide.   But I call bullshit.  You haven’t even smelled dairy in years with a tummy like that.  The final straw for me was crediting yoga for that freaky hot old bod.  Yoga?!  Bitch, please.

Sorry, Charlotte.  Not too many things call the hateration to action, but you’ve committed the trifecta of women’s bullshit: calling yourself “curvy”, when you have the BMI of a praying mantis; claiming you “don’t deprive yourself”; and crediting stretching and breathing with a killer body that’s the result of a scalpel (say it ain’t so, Charlotte!) or some extreme photoshopping.

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