Jokes with Marshall

May 29, 2011 Leave a comment

M: Knock Knock.
B: Who’s There?
M: Who’s There!!
B: Marshall?
M: What?

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Categories: Uncategorized

The Bachelorette Premiere (2011)

May 25, 2011 Leave a comment

I got a chance to finish up the Bachelorette before the hockey game came on.  While I wasn’t surprised that at the end of the show there was still 15 minutes left after the rose ceremony to show what was coming up…. This Season…  On the Bachelorette…, I was disappointed in the obvious spoiler!  At least leave a little mystery as to who makes it near the end!

My pick, although he doesn’t appear to make it too far (thanks a lot, ABC spoiler), is William.  Come on, you can’t go wrong with a cell phone salesman.  He seemed to be the only one who wasn’t taking himself all too seriously.   Constantine and possibly Ames were the other two who struck me as  not too icky or potentially cuckoo (also gave them points for no topless jogging shots).

Speaking of unique names, is this the season of made-up names?  Bentley? West?!  Those names are made up.  Really.  (Although I believe Bentley is the one with the daughter named … Cozy.)

Speaking of potentially cuckoo, Bentley has a touch of what I call crazy eyes, and while I hold nothing against being divorced, I do think you need to wait longer than a year, especially when you’re 28.  And are clearly obsessed with someone else from TV.  And have crazy eyes.

I also have nothing against the widower, West (aka “Sad Eyes”), but not sure that our fragile Bachelorette is up to the challenge of being compared to a dead woman that said widower calls “the love of my life”.  (Ask Brad.) Can’t talk about last night’s episode without mentioning the Mask.  Gimmick or brilliant, or a bit of both?

And last but not least, good old Tim.  I bet he has an even bigger hangover today.  And also, does not know what to say.  Or as he puts it: “can’t make words come out of my mouth.”  Was he sent home too soon?  Haven’t we all had a little too much to drink on a national television show? Favourites?  Creepers?  Is Ashley emotionally capable of participating in the most dramatic… season… ever?

Categories: TV Tags: ,

Today.

April 26, 2011 Leave a comment

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

Robert Frost (1874-1963)

Categories: Uncategorized

American Idol…and you don’t suck. But you do.

March 24, 2011 Leave a comment

I always have such high hopes for Motown night. For some reason, Motown has always been my favourite style of music, and if not for intervention my children would have names like Smokey or Otis (I had to settle for another musician from Detroit, heh).

I still remember (apparently 10 seasons ago) Kelly Clarkson’s rendition of Respect, and while her outfit was unfortunate, she was amazing. However, also still burning a hole in my memory is the 15-year-old “Fetus” (Aaron?) from last season trying to pull off “Ain’t No Sunshine”. It was definitely not “authentic” (last season’s keyword). I think he was talking about his stuffed bunny; in any case neither soul nor funk was brought to the table.

So last night, I was prepared for some pain. I was pleasantly surprised and only had to fast forward and/or mute on three performances!

First up, Casey Abrams. Yeah, I used to dig his Seth Rogan-y vibe, but somewhere a long the way the intensity has given way to a more creepy vibe. It kind of throws me off the music. I hate that it’s about appearances, but I think last night would have been way better sans coiff. It just added some kind of weird just-got-out-of-prison-come-with-me-little-boy thing for me – less quirky, more creepy. It wasn’t awful, but I Heard it Through the Grapevine really is one of those songs that has never sounded better than the original.

Rhyme-y named Thia Megia…zzzzzzz…. didn’t she forget some lines there? Oh yes, J. Lo noticed. Wait. No she didn’t. Boring, they all love her. Blah.

Here it comes ears, you are about to bleed. Jacob Lust. Lusk? Whatevs. I seriously cannot stand the dramatics and the over-singing and why the judges cream themselves over him is beyond me. And now what, he’s going to sing one of my absolute favourite songs ever? Fully prepared to be angry, I was totally shocked by his restraint — and resultant rockery of the song. Wowza. I hate admitting when I am wrong, so I shall say no more and just tip my imaginary hat to the boy.

Lauren. This girl is really 16 years old? That is weird. I do love her voice, but why does she always get all up on the judges? It makes me really, really uncomfortable and somehow I’m picturing her 30-year-old stage mom encouraging her … “Make him love you…rub up on them … use your womanly ways!” She just always seems to exude an uncomfortable, age-inappropriate sexuality and it always leaves me feeling “Oh, honey.”

Stefano. No. Another performer I usually cannot watch due to all the fist-clenching, over the top drama. And here is no exception. You guys all know that this is a love letter to a blind lady, right? It’s afro-headed Lionel Richie, showing us his tenderness. Not the screaming, crying, dramatic shit that Stefano just can’t seem to break himself of. J.Lo nailed it: he’s trying to be passionate to be good, not because he’s really wondering about what that blind lady is doing and who with. Is she somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving her?

Haley, oh I just love her. (Not a fan of the straight hair. Rock it curly, girl!) Kinda think she sung a lot of the song hunched over, but she was doin her thang and I love me some awkward when it’s coming from the right place.

Scotty McCreery: I really, really need him to go away. I’m sorry, I’m sure he’s sweet and adorable to all those tween girls out there, but that was seriously, seriously painful to me. And I am a country fan. Ish.   I just need him to go away and most especially to stop attempting to do any kind of dancing or movement; I was actually concerned that he was having a seizure up there. The judges should have turfed him at the beginning. I’m all for different styles and whatnot, but this guy is so massively limited in range…that one low note really can’t keep him afloat.

Pia blah blah, so pretty, so flawless, so boring. I’m sorry, I’m sure she’s amazing, I’m just totally bored. I fast forwarded for the first time this ep.

Paul McDonald singing some Smokey Robinson: well allrighty then! I’m with the judges…there’s just something about Paul. I so want to jam with him.  Love seeing artists who can play, too. And by the way Ryan…he’s got the cougar vote, but thanks for the awkwardness.

Naima, another good kind of awkward. I love her weirdness, just totally not into that song. Again, love the original but when anyone else tries to sing it, it comes off too cheesy for me. I think with all the amazing Motown songs, she could have found one that fit her a little better; mind you it’s always a good thing when voters can recognize the song.

Good news y’all: James Durbin is still a rocker. The jacket was studded and the weird scarf-tail-thing was sequined, yo. He’s definitely more natural at moving around the stage.  But even though the screamy parts are not earbleed-inducing, I just cannot get on board (though he is growing on me, somewhat).  There is something just a little smug about him.

If it were up to me, Cowboy Scotty would be headed home, or possibly the boring beautiful girl. I hope Haley finds some love and doesn’t end up in the bottom again, but you know as long as I have some Paul McD to look forward to, I’ll be jes’ fine.

Categories: TV Tags: ,

American Idol, and I’m old.

March 17, 2011 1 comment

Tonight was “sing the year you were born”.  Since all of these kids were born in the mid-80s and (seriously?) 90s, these songs are all high-rotation on my kareoke list.

Mostly, tonight, Paul McDonald looked into the camera with his hinky sideways-singing crazy dance moves chicken-leg face, and sang (very deliberately):

I simply love you / more than I love / life itself

And even though I knew that was planned and deliberate, mother eff did I fall for it.  Maybe it’s because his teeth are so white. I really don’t know.

A lot of bo-ring  in this lineup.  I’m not sure if I was just feeling injured that Casey Abrams was born the year such an influential song came out, but I wasn’t crazy about that side of him.  I much prefer the weird bluesy side.

Never been a fan of James Durbin…it’s like he’s somehow pretending to be a rocker.  I like my rockers laid back and almost accidental (see Steven Tyler, Jon Bon Jovi).  He’s like “HEY, I’M A ROCKER.  I HAVE STUDS ON MY BOOTS.” So when they announced his song would be I’ll Be There For You, I pictured him screeching his way through it (in perfect pitch, mind you).  While it wasn’t at all screechy, I still hated it.  But it reminded me that I just downloaded that song for Rock Band, and so if you want to see how to really drown in your tears James Durbin, come on by on a Saturday night.

And mini-JenniferLopez, we get it.  You’re a mini-JenniferLopez.  But thanks for all the Spanish.

Haley, you had lipstick on your teeth, but I thought you were wicked awesome.  I was scared with the whole Whitney thing, and ask me because I know: that song is mad hard to sing, especially the reallyfastpart in the middle, which is when she chose to parade around in those giant shoes.  Ah, she was still so cute.  She totally reminds me of Alicia Keys.

Stefano, well, I almost got excited when he referenced the awesomeness of Milli Vanilli and even New Kids on the Block as hits from his year.  He went with a song that I actually love in both the original and remake,(and Seal does it so well right here).  When Steven Tyler was saying “over the top, over the top”, I thought he meant what I was thinking, but somehow “over the top” in his world means awesome.  In any case, I hated all the overwrought acting and whatnot.  It was OVER THE TOP.

Everyone else was boring, except Jacob, who was hideous.  He needs to write an apology letter to the ladies of Heart, because he completely murdered that shit.  And that row of judges was all over it!  I don’t even know what to say.

Now, I am [ahem] somewhat older than these kids.  If I were to sing a song that was a hit the year I was born, I’d be effed.  Because every song from that year was pretty much totally ridiculous.  Sure, I love me some disco, but holy shit.  I wonder if that’s how those kids felt too?  Probably the one born in 1995.  I mean what was she going to sing, Gangsta’s Paradise?

 

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A little competition.

February 6, 2011 Leave a comment

“Mom, if these pancakes taste so good, then you’ll be my favourite. But if they’re not good…I think Daddo will be my favourite.” -Benson

Talk about PRESSURE! Actually, I was a little concerned because I over-berried them and with frozen berries it does affect the outcome…and they were a little gummy (new spelt pancakes from Costco).

But they were deemed “yummy”, the highest word of praise delivered in our house.

My title as “Favourite Parent” safe for today.

Categories: Kids

Them teeth be made of gold.

January 5, 2011 Leave a comment

After losing his tooth right before Christmas, Benson has been counting the days until he can write his name on the tooth at school.  Now that he’s performed this sacred ritual, he is ready to put the tooth under his pillow for the tooth fairy.  (I suppose he was keeping it for proof in case anyone wanted to see the actual tooth?)

B: “Tomorrow’s tonight, I’m going to sleep in my own bed all night so I can put my tooth under my bed for the tooth fairy.  Then, she will give me MONEY.”

Me: “Interesting.  How much money will she be giving you?”

B: “Just one.”

Me: “Just one dollar?”

B: “No.  Just one.  You know, the green paper one.  That’s my favourite one.”

Categories: Kids Tags: ,