Home > TV > American Idol, and I’m old.

American Idol, and I’m old.

Tonight was “sing the year you were born”.  Since all of these kids were born in the mid-80s and (seriously?) 90s, these songs are all high-rotation on my kareoke list.

Mostly, tonight, Paul McDonald looked into the camera with his hinky sideways-singing crazy dance moves chicken-leg face, and sang (very deliberately):

I simply love you / more than I love / life itself

And even though I knew that was planned and deliberate, mother eff did I fall for it.  Maybe it’s because his teeth are so white. I really don’t know.

A lot of bo-ring  in this lineup.  I’m not sure if I was just feeling injured that Casey Abrams was born the year such an influential song came out, but I wasn’t crazy about that side of him.  I much prefer the weird bluesy side.

Never been a fan of James Durbin…it’s like he’s somehow pretending to be a rocker.  I like my rockers laid back and almost accidental (see Steven Tyler, Jon Bon Jovi).  He’s like “HEY, I’M A ROCKER.  I HAVE STUDS ON MY BOOTS.” So when they announced his song would be I’ll Be There For You, I pictured him screeching his way through it (in perfect pitch, mind you).  While it wasn’t at all screechy, I still hated it.  But it reminded me that I just downloaded that song for Rock Band, and so if you want to see how to really drown in your tears James Durbin, come on by on a Saturday night.

And mini-JenniferLopez, we get it.  You’re a mini-JenniferLopez.  But thanks for all the Spanish.

Haley, you had lipstick on your teeth, but I thought you were wicked awesome.  I was scared with the whole Whitney thing, and ask me because I know: that song is mad hard to sing, especially the reallyfastpart in the middle, which is when she chose to parade around in those giant shoes.  Ah, she was still so cute.  She totally reminds me of Alicia Keys.

Stefano, well, I almost got excited when he referenced the awesomeness of Milli Vanilli and even New Kids on the Block as hits from his year.  He went with a song that I actually love in both the original and remake,(and Seal does it so well right here).  When Steven Tyler was saying “over the top, over the top”, I thought he meant what I was thinking, but somehow “over the top” in his world means awesome.  In any case, I hated all the overwrought acting and whatnot.  It was OVER THE TOP.

Everyone else was boring, except Jacob, who was hideous.  He needs to write an apology letter to the ladies of Heart, because he completely murdered that shit.  And that row of judges was all over it!  I don’t even know what to say.

Now, I am [ahem] somewhat older than these kids.  If I were to sing a song that was a hit the year I was born, I’d be effed.  Because every song from that year was pretty much totally ridiculous.  Sure, I love me some disco, but holy shit.  I wonder if that’s how those kids felt too?  Probably the one born in 1995.  I mean what was she going to sing, Gangsta’s Paradise?


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